I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
