My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
