I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
