Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My breasts were aching with rage.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
did i just pee glitter
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
