spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
