I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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