Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
