My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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