she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
