So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
