I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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