I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
