The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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