So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
