she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
