I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
