she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
