You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
