Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
