At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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