But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
