I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
