One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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