Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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