can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
