Screwed.edu
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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