Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
