Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
