Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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