I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
