I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
