If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
