She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
