im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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