I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
