If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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