so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
