So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, beer. Big fan.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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