my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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