Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
