Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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