They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
