You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
