a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize