There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
