if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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