im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
