careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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