And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
