I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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