Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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