Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
