that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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