By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
