If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
