Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
