By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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