Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
