she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
