Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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