Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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