**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
